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Texas Hot Sauces

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Fugly Fat Lip Cayenne Sauce
The playground is full and the game is on. At least you are not “IT.” For the moment, you cannot find “IT” and there is no way you are going to let “IT” tag you. You quickly turn and BAZOWEE! You get kicked in the face by a little kid on the swing. As your eyes begin to focus you feel a soft touch on your shoulder…You are now “IT”
Triple Dog Dare Ya Jolokia Pepper Sauce
No frozen pole here. First it was just a dare…Then someone blurted out the dastardly DOUBLE! You almost come to your senses and turn away when SUFRINSUKATASH! The triple card was dealt. You have no choice but to suck it up and get it done. You will need more than a fire truck to put this one out.
Second Place – Pepper Blend Hot Sauce – ZestFest 2012
Second Place – Logo – ZestFest 2012
First Place – Best Red Hot Sauce – 2011 Houston Hot Sauce Festival
Catasstrophic Dogbite Habanero Sauce
A dog’s bite is worse than its bark. Momma always told me to check the back end of the dog to see if the tail is a waggin’. Seems like instead of watchin’ the rear I should have been watchin’ the dog’s teeth. I learned one thing that day… never keep beef jerkey in your back pocket.
50 Yard Line Fracture
Third and five, up by three, last play of the game. You check your shoelaces and strap it on. You are about to be the hero of the game. The ball is snapped and here they come. You’re about to blast the guy when WHAM! You’re on the ground…they score…Game Over. CrackalackaDingDong
Hunourmous Black Eye Roasted Garlic Habanero
You are the baseball hot box champion of the block. No one has ever tagged you. Today there is a new kid on base. You know exactly what to do. You jump on base-stutterstep, turn around and GREATBALLSOFIRE! The ball hits you directly in the eye. The swelling begins. You wink at the new kid with your one good eye and think “Still never been tagged.”
Gnarly Knucklebuster Hickory Habanero
Bike-Check. Helmet-Check. Elbow Pads-Check. The mega jump was actually about to happen. The bike came roaring down the street towards glory and fame when SWAZOLLA! The bike hit a rock and flipped you like a pancake into the pavement. Mental note – add gloves to the checklist.
First Place – Best Habanero Sauce – 2011 Houston Hot Sauce Festival
First Place – Habanero Sauce – 2012 Houston Hot Sauce Festival
Second Place – Habanero Sauce – 2012 Zest Fest
Second Place – Red SauceĀ  – 2013 Houston Hot Sauce Festival
Second Place – Habanero Sauce – 2013 New Orleans Hot Sauce Festival
 
Redunkulous Belly Flop Cayenne Sauce
Hottest day of the summer and the party is in your backyard. You smile and wink at the other kids-you are about to be a legend. You step up to the diving board to perform a Triple Lindy when SPLASHOLA! You go belly first – face second – into the pool. You hear the laughter under the water. There is only one thing to do. Arms raised in victory, you jump out of the pool and scream… A PERFECT 10!
 
Gigantor Snake Bite
The largest sandcastle ever built by the Knights of the Cul de Sac is complete. The tower is grand, the drawbridge is up and the moat is full of water. It is now time to meet the beast. It approaches slowly through the grass as you check your armor. You raise your mighty stick as it lunges for your finger when YIKES! That hurt. The beast has won again. Maybe you need a bigger stick…
Collosal Texas Wedgie Mango Habanero
The challenge is on. The annual backyard Texas wedgie contest is about to begin. You have been practicing all year for this event and second place is not an option. All the pain, mistakes and torn underwear are about to be worth it. You grit your teeth and give a thumbs up when…YOUCH! Second place again. Must be time to switch to boxer briefs.